Shepherding a Student's Heart
This week our staff has been blessed to attend regional ACCS teacher training. The training is hosted by Mars Hill Academy in Mason, Ohio and they have done a marvelous job. Mars Hill has been involved in Christian and classical education for nearly 30 years. The staff offers a treasure trove of wisdom backed by years of building a faithful institution with a distinctly Christian and classical culture. The majority of the sessions really have served an ample blend of rich philosophy and hearty practice. All of this has made it a rewarding time for our staff.
I was particularly encouraged by one of the sessions on discipline and its goals. As a school, the goals of discipline should be to attend to the heart of each of our students. Parents at home should have more in view while disciplining than simple behavioral modification. Similar to our discipline at home, we want more than just compliance at Ancient Paths. A spanking from Dad without loving instruction, correction, and reconciliation afterward, is just using physical pain to gain compliance. On their own, a time-out or a threat of grounding, will never get to the heart of an issue.
Imagine a scenario where a teacher is giving a math lesson and a boy student repeatedly tries to talk to a classmate. The first time it happens, the teacher corrects the student and reminds him that he must listen during the lesson. However, the student does fails to head the original correction and does it again. The second time this happens, the teacher tells the student directly, “Please don’t talk while I’m teaching, I already reminded you once.” Now, suppose that the student quietly rolls his eyes, returns to listening, and has no other issues for the rest of the day.
In one sense the teacher’s correction “works,” the teacher gains compliance. However, in a more important sense, the teacher failed in that moment. The teacher did not address the most important thing that their student needed. Their student needed discipleship. The student did not need a mere change in behavior. We want joyful obedience from our children which flows out of a changed heart. The long-term goal is for them to love the standard and the God who made the standard. The goal is not to simply try and follow the standard. The heart must be in it. So, how do we as parents and how do we as a school partnering with parents do this?
One of our students’ favorite verses to recite from their Proverbs catechism is Proverbs 12:1, “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, But he who hates correction is stupid.” Unsurprisingly, our students always want to yell the last part. In this verse, hating correction is linked to NOT loving knowledge. The stupid person in Proverbs does not have a learning impediment or a disability. He has a hard heart! In our example above, the student talking to his friend showed a hard heart which did not want to listen to instruction and did not want to respect right authority. If the teacher refuses to confront the heart issue head on, they have failed in that moment.
Author Paul David Tripp, offers five questions to target the heart during a moment of discipline and correction. These questions can provide a framework of discussion for both parents and for our teachers, while they help a child understand what was happening in their heart. Now, imagine after the lesson the teacher stops to talk to that boy student, one-on-one, in the hall. See below:
What was happening?
Teacher: “What happened earlier?”
Student: “I was trying to talk to my friend while you were teaching”
Teacher: “And what else happened?”
Student: “You told me to stop.”
What did you do?
Teacher: “Did you stop when I asked?”
Student: “No, I kept talking.”
Teacher: “And after I told you to stop, did you obey right away with a happy heart?”
Student: “No.”
Teacher: “What did you do?”
Student: “I rolled my eyes.”
What were you thinking and feeling?
Teacher: “What were thinking when you did that?”
Student: “I don’t know.”
Teacher: “Were you frustrated with me because I corrected you?”
Student: “Yes.”
Why did you do it? What were you trying to accomplish?
Teacher: “Why did you roll your eyes?”
Student: “I don’t know. I think it’s a silly rule.”
What was the result? (What are the consequences)
Teacher: “You know that rolling your eyes is disrespectful and that you are supposed to listen to your teacher right away. But now that you’ve been disrespectful, what’s the result?”
Student: “You’re going to send a note home to my parents.”
After walking through these questions, the teacher is now able to show the student, that in that moment, he thought talking to his friend was more important than listening to his teacher. The teacher can also show him that he was not wanting to honor the authority that God has placed over him. He was also not honoring his parents, who sent him to our school to learn from his teacher. Rather, he was disrespectful to the teacher and to his parents. At this point we must call our students to turn away from specific sin; remind them that their heavenly Father loves them and makes good rules for them; assure them that because of Jesus, He forgives them and has taken the real punishment for their sin.
The discipline is not the punishment. Some parents and teachers may think that showing grace is neglecting to discipline. This not true. Hebrews 12:6 says that, “…the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” Does God stop being gracious with us when he disciplines us? No. God gives us discipline rather than real punishment. The real punishment was taken on the cross. The note home from the teacher and a spanking from Dad are all gracious discipline and not real punishment.
Obviously, in a discussion like the one above, a teacher may have to push through a lot of “I-don’t-knows” and maybe even a complete refusal to answer. Patience is required and teachers may have to call on an administrator to help with the correction. Ultimately though, at this point a parent would be made aware of what happened and of the conversation that was had with the student. The parent is the ultimate authority over the child. They will need to carry out any additional correction or discipline needed at home. Reconciliation is always the goal. First reconciliation with God and then with others. Our hope is that forgiveness can be readily given in all areas of conflict and that relationship can be restored as if it never happened.
Changing a student’s heart must be done by the power of the Gospel and the Holy Spirit’s work in their lives. However, God uses means to accomplish His work. God calls us to love our children and shepherd them up in a pasture which believes the Gospel (Ephesians 6:4). We believe that when the mission of the parents and the mission of the school are aligned, this provides an incredibly nurturing and potent space for a child to grow to maturity. This can only be done with firm but loving shepherding that seeks to get to the heart of the matter.